Okay, so how do I play DotA 2?

Here we go. The absolute rudiments of DotA 2 play. Remember, we're coming at this from the ground up, so there's going to be a lot of bare-bones basics. If you've played any Real Time Strategy or MOBA (Multiplayer Online Battle Arena, e.g. League of Legends) games before, you may want to skip this post entirely.

Step One: install Valve Corporation's Steam browser and download DotA 2. It's all one hundred percent cost- and virus-free. Nine million players use this every month to play DotA 2, and you can take our word for it on the safety of the platform. Step Two: Launch DotA 2. Open the tutorial provided, and learn.

The controls of DotA 2 are not hard to pick up. You control one of almost 120 heroes. It will walk to where you point on the ground and right-click. It will attack any enemy you right-click on. If you press the Q, W, E, or R (and sometimes D and F) keys when the appropriate ability is available, you can use that ability. Sometimes you have to click again. It gets complicated.

The map of DotA 2 is not hard to comprehend. The map is rotationally symmetrical. There are two bases with an Ancient in the center -- one is yours, the other is the enemy's. From one base to the next run three wide roads, called "lanes." Between the lanes are monster-infested jungles. At a certain time, hordes of disposable minions called "creeps" will charge from your and the enemy's bases and begin fighting in the center of the map. Depending on what kind of hero you picked (more on that in another post) and what position you want to play on your team (ditto), you are to go down one of the lanes to the battle line and begin killing the enemy creeps for gold and experience points (ditto twice) or venture into the jungle to kill the monsters there, also for gold and experience points (ditto a third time).

Dotted in the lanes are towers, three to a lane. These towers boast powerful cannons and rock-hard defenses, providing heroes in the early game with a safe spot to retreat to. Be wary, however, as the tower's attention span is short, and its vision narrow. Heroes invading the tower's space to kill a specific enemy and then retreat -- called a "dive" -- is not only not unheard of but quite common. Past the third tower are two buildings called Barracks. When you destroy one of the enemy's barracks, it will cause one of the two types of creeps in that lane on your side to power up and become Super Creeps. Destroying all 6 of the enemy's barracks will grant you even more powerful Mega Creeps and grant you an almost-certain victory. This is not your main goal, however. The goal of DotA 2 is to demolish at least all of at least one enemy lane's towers and barracks, then kill the two center towers protecting the Ancient. Once those towers are destroyed, the Ancient becomes vulnerable to attack. Destroy the Ancient, and you win.

Simple on paper. In later posts, we'll explore how such an innocent concept can quickly become complex and labyrinthine in the extreme.